My Partner Never Wants Sex Anymore — Is a Sexless Marriage Fixable?
“We haven't had sex in a year.” “I love my husband but don't want sex.” “Is mismatched libido fixable?” These are some of the most common things I hear in a first session — and in most cases, yes, this is treatable.
Understanding desire discrepancy
Desire discrepancy — one partner wanting sex more or less often than the other — is one of the most common reasons couples end up in a sexless marriage, and one of the most misunderstood. It's rarely about attraction alone. Stress, resentment, hormonal changes, past trauma, mental load, body image, and simple miscommunication about what "wanting sex" even means can all drive a gap that feels, from the inside, like rejection.
In session, we start by separating the symptom (no sex, or infrequent sex) from the actual cause, which is different for almost every couple. For some it's unresolved conflict that never gets voiced. For others it's a medical or hormonal shift, a history of sexual shame, or one partner quietly shutting down after feeling consistently turned down. We name the real pattern before trying to fix anything.
From there, we work on both the practical and emotional sides: rebuilding emotional safety and non-sexual intimacy, addressing any underlying resentment or communication breakdown, and — when it's relevant — directly working through the sexual mechanics and mismatched expectations that keep the gap in place.
- Works for both partners — the higher-desire and lower-desire partner each have real, valid experiences worth exploring
- Addresses common contributing factors: menopause and hormonal change, chronic stress, past trauma, resentment, and mismatched sexual scripts
- Couples sessions: $175/session (self-pay) · Individual sessions: $150/session, in-network with Aetna and BCBS/Florida Blue
Does this sound like your relationship?
This page is for you if:
- You and your partner have gone months (or longer) without sex and it's created distance, resentment, or anxiety.
- One of you wants sex noticeably more or less than the other, and conversations about it tend to go in circles or get avoided entirely.
- You love your partner and want to rebuild intimacy, not just "fix the sex."
You may want a different starting point if:
- The core issue is active infidelity or a recent affair — see my dedicated page on infidelity and affair recovery instead.
- You're dealing primarily with a specific sexual dysfunction like erectile dysfunction or performance anxiety — that page may be a more direct starting point.
Questions about sexless marriages and low desire
What couples and individuals ask most often.
Why has my partner stopped wanting sex?
There's rarely one answer. Common contributors include chronic stress, unresolved relationship conflict, hormonal changes (including perimenopause and menopause), medication side effects, past sexual trauma, body image concerns, and simply feeling emotionally disconnected. Therapy helps identify which factors are actually at play in your specific relationship.
What is desire discrepancy, exactly?
Desire discrepancy is a mismatch between how often or how intensely each partner wants sex. It's extremely common and not, by itself, a sign anything is wrong with the relationship — what matters is how a couple navigates the gap.
Can a sexless marriage actually recover?
In many cases, yes. Recovery usually depends on both partners being willing to look honestly at what's driving the disconnection and do the (sometimes uncomfortable) work of rebuilding emotional and physical intimacy together.
When does menopause start affecting sexual desire?
Hormonal shifts during perimenopause and menopause can reduce desire, change arousal, or make sex physically uncomfortable for some people, though the timing and intensity vary widely. See my dedicated page on menopause and low libido for more detail.
When should a couple actually see a sex therapist?
If the lack of sex or mismatched desire has started to create resentment, anxiety, avoidance, or distance — and you haven't been able to resolve it through conversation alone — that's a reasonable time to bring in a specialist.
Do we need to come to every session together as a couple?
Not necessarily. Some couples do all sessions together; others combine joint sessions with individual sessions for one or both partners. We'll figure out the right mix for your situation.
You don't have to keep circling the same conversation alone.
A consultation is a low-pressure way to start untangling what's actually going on.